Not that I object. This was an old-fashioned OTK spanking, with tools. As much as it hurt, I knew I was pushing the limits. I was pushing him to see if he was up to the challenge. :::rubs ass::: Yeah, he's up to it.
We talked afterward (after sex - great sex). I told him that I thought each time he tested me, he was expecting me to throw in the towel. I was right. He does wonder about that. For now, he's taking this one day at a time, but he's still not sure if I'm serious.
He does feel a huge sense of responsibility not to hurt me emotionally. I tried again to explain it to him. I made a vow almost 29 years ago to him and I was dead serious about that. I meant what I said when I said, "I do." I'm equally serious about this commitment. I NEED this. I need him to be the Master. I need him to take the control in this relationship and in our marriage.
Because the subject of submissive wives is fodder from the religious right, too many of us free-spirited anarchists reject it out of hand, but I think we do ourselves a disservice. It also is part and parcel of the BDSM community and not being masochist, nor my partner a sadist, we could easily have missed the beauty of this, the intense joy.
As I find myself changing, growing, I see the counterpart to that growth in him. I'm watching less television, unless it's with him. He's playing less mafia wars. His reliance on porn has dissipated and has morphed into something we do as a sex enhancement.
Dishes are being done (almost daily) and I'm cooking regularly again. I offered to maintain the floors (and general state of being) in his cave IF he would clean them up first. He agreed and even offered to scrub the kitchen floors while he was at it, so I have a fighting chance of maintaining.
I know that I WANT to spend time with him now. I want to spend time pleasuring him. It thrills me when he orders me to his bed, to my knees...to whatever. I know what awaits is intense pleasure for both of us. I've gone from wanting him to leave for work to wishing he didn't have to leave.
He takes his commands seriously, and yet, he's always mindful of my physical well-being. I was ill yesterday. He didn't realize that when I arrived home after work. When I balked at his first instruction, I quickly explained that I didn't feel well. I wasn't sure what he'd do. He didn't let me escape my duties, but he altered them so that I could handle them until I felt better. I was truly exhausted yesterday. I fell asleep around 4pm and didn't wake up until early the next morning and then went back to sleep again.
I still don't understand how or why this works for me, but it does. Neither of us is really interested in bondage. Neither of us is interested in what the religious right refers to when they discuss the topic of submission. In spite of that, I can see that for some people, notably us, this works. Relinquishing control and allow him to become my Master has been more satisfying than simply enjoying hot and steamy sex.
I wish I could verbalize it better. This blog is my attempt to understand the revolution taking place within me and within my marriage. What I do know is that I have found something very special and worthy of nurturing. If that means, I have to submit to a spanking (or 2 or 10), then it's more than worth it.
No comments:
Post a Comment