Master and I had an interesting conversation this week regarding the prevalence of violence, cruelty and sadism in the DOM/sub community. As this is not something in which we participate, it puzzles us somewhat. To one extent I understand the need to be dominated (believe me, I understand this), but I don't understand willingly allowing someone to brutalize you.
I know that he can do that. For me, that's enough. He's pushed the boundaries far enough that I KNOW it could go there, but he won't for a lot of reasons. We wondered how and why these relationships get taken to that extreme.
On the one hand, how far is it from spanking and lashings to tying someone up and putting clothes pins on their nipples (and worse)? It's truly a matter of degree and if that's what someone wants, then who am I to say that it's crazy (REALLY, who am I to judge that)? I have my own quirks. If they don't go to that extreme, then bonus for me, but who is to say that at some point, they won't? I certainly can't imagine living that right now, but 6 months ago, I wouldn't have imagined the intense joy I feel being his naked, slave girl.
We did begin to wonder, though if the reason some feel it necessary to force that level of submission on another person is because in OUR world, in OUR time, slavery isn't a reality. If we had a true society where slavery was accepted as the norm, then one would not need to subjugate their slave to those levels because society as a whole would have a vested interest in keeping slaves totally and wholly slaves.
Master asked me why I want him to talk it to me. I want to hear his thoughts on dominating me. I want to hear his fantasies. He felt uncomfortable until I explained that in our world, this really is fantasy. He can't snap a leash on my locked collar and walk me, naked, to the market. He can't, if he gets irritated by me in public, strip me and take a lash to me. What we practice is kept inside. It's private. It's personal. I have to create this world of ours inside my head. While I can certainly make it up all on my own, it's more rounded, more fulfilling to hear what he would do in varying situations.
In general, people would be horrified if they suspected what goes on behind our closed doors. They would be confused by my willingness to submit so totally to my husband. Even for those women who practice religious beliefs that include submission to their spouse, it does not usually go along these lines.
When I behave in a less than perfect way to my Master, I want to be brought into line. I want to know that he cares enough to force me, with the whip if necessary, to adjust my thinking and my actions.
Case in point, this past week was less than stellar for me. I was hurt deeply by someone I love. She could not have chosen a better way to cut a deep gash in my soul. My response was to withdraw in all ways and that included with my Master. When he wanted my obedience, I wasn't willing to pull myself out of my despair and anguish to give him what he wanted. There was another such incident later in the week.
By Thursday, I was begging to be whipped. I don't mean that figuratively, I mean it literally. He told me that he would eventually, but that I hadn't really done anything to merit a beating at that point. I said that I disagreed. This pulled him up short. He asked what I had done. I tried to avoid the question, not wanting to say it out loud, but he persisted. I pointed out to him that I had not been even compliant, let alone willing earlier in the week. I admitted that I need to know that he will enforce my submission. I need to know that he won't let me get away with being petulant and pissy. Yes, I had reason (legitimate reasons) for feeling the way I did, but that didn't remove my duty to him.
He quietly brought me out to the living room. He locked the doors and then tied me, naked and kneeling, over the ottoman. He played on his computer for awhile and looked at me for awhile. Then he rose, went to the bedroom and returned with the lash and the paddle. Then he proceeded to discipline me. You might think I'd prefer the paddle to the lash, but I would MUCH rather be whipped than paddled. MUCH, MUCH, MUCH rather. Yes, it hurts and many times, it hurts worse than the paddle, but the paddle is worse. It just is.
After, he untied my ankles and used me sexually, both vaginally and anally. When he finally untied my wrists, he brought me to our bedroom, stretched me on our bed and used me again until I couldn't contain my own orgasm any longer. I felt relieved and released. Perhaps that doesn't make sense, but it is how I felt.
We now have an understanding. If I have not been pleasing, I can and will beg to be lashed. If he notices that I'm not being pleasing, he will, without warning, spank, whip or lash me. Perhaps, at some point in time, he'll even find other ways to enforce his will on me.
I look forward to submitting more and more fully as we continue to explore this new world of ours.
